When I Open My Eyes

     When I open my eyes, I see his hands raised high above his head. Within seconds, it lands on my cheek, bringing tears to my eyes. I quickly ready myself for another round of his thrashing. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid that he will be able to read the fear in my eyes. But it never came. All I hear is the loud bang of the door and the hushed click, marking the endless torture and torment by that monster.
    When I open my eyes, I can feel the tingle on my cheek, the very spot where his blow had landed on. But that little prickly feeling cannot compare to the burn and sting I feel in my heart. How can someone be so heartless and cruel to his own family? To his own flesh and blood? He is supposed to be my protector. My defender and my Superman. Instead, he is the destroyer of my hope, the slayer of my joy and the cause of my death. 
    When I open my eyes, I feel the terror. Every day, without fail. I feel my heart pumping like it's on steroids when I hear his footsteps approaching. And when the door opens, I have nowhere to hide. Totally defendless and naked to his physical abuse. I dread the horror I have to endure and suffer every day. He is a vile brute and I hate him. 
    When I open my eyes, I always thing of a way to flee, to escape from my misery and pain. I grief for my lack of persistence and devotion to run away from this hell of a place. I weep for my cowardice and weakness. Every time I try, I fail not due to the lack of attempts but due to the lack of courage. Every time I nearly grasp my fingers around my victory, I withdraw and shred my resolution to ribbons. However, I am going to try once more. My ultimate escape. I owe it to myself to at least struggle and squeeze myself out of this hellhole of mine. 
    When I open my eyes, I feel different. I feel alive and unbound by that wicked creature. This time, he will not get me. This time, he will pay for all he has done. This time, I am triumphant and victorious. I shut my eyes, slowly taking in all the great and wonderful things around me.
    When I open my eyes, the bombshells drop. the jury has made their decision. He is guilty but his punishment is a slap on his wrist. And I was to be returned to him. Back to that fiend. Returned to my nightmare, my very own dreadful incubus.
    When I open my eyes, I will be my own saviour. I will be my own judge, jury and executioner. When I open my eyes. 
   

If only

    I looked out the window. The full moon was shining ever so brightly and the starts were dancing like ballerinas across the black velvety night. Not a single cloud was in sight. Nothing to hinder them from sparkling like diamonds for the world to see. What a beautiful night. If only it was thins beautiful every night.

    I chewed my lips. I could taste the strawberry lipstick I had put on a few hours ago. I smiled and let my mind wandered. The sweet taste lingered for a few seconds before it gradually faded away. I licked my lips and thought about the times they fitted perfectly fine with yours. If only those moments were to last forever. 

    I slowly lowered myself into the water and began to feel the warm water filled every curve of my body. Serenity began to fill my heart and tranquility, my mind. I pictured those times your fingers ran through my body and shivers ran down my spine. Like silky cashmere, they were smooth, light and playful as you mischievously teased me by running them in my hair. If only I could have you for a lifetime.

   Right here, drowning out all the pointless noise and racket of life, I could hear my heart beating steadily, like a rhythm to a love song. It slowly calmed down. Then, there was just pin-drop silence. My broken heart was dying. If only you were here to make it stronger.
  The buzz of life eludes me and I was slowly slipping away. Without you, nothing matters. Not the beautiful night. Not even the wonderful taste of life and the songs of serenity. Without you, darkness filled my heart and emptiness took your place. The loud bangs on the door began to dwindle away. They will never get here in time. The cut was too deep, just as I planned it. Soon, we would be together again. And this time, no one would break us apart. If only it was true.

One month experience

This coming 20th will mark the one month anniversary of being a working adult,
living her life away from home and my family.
The journey has not been smooth,
there were fancy bumps and rough patches along the way
But God has been good and merciful
He provideth and giveth His best to His child.

Having said that, life in Masai has its ups and downs.
with the recent news about the little girl
that was kidnapped and murdered nearby my area
has made me realized that safety is everyone's first priority
never take anything lightly
and to constantly be alert and to be careful

This little person is slowly growing older
but also slowly growing wiser by the day
having seen a bigger picture than the one I am used to
being so far away from my family taught me to be strong
for myself and for them
it's a challenge
but I also learned to trust in the Lord

New update

This is Amy Chong, reporting for duty in SMK Seri Kota Puteri 2 in Masai, Johor. Just a little short update that I'm doing well and still very much alive after the gruesome first week. God is good. He provides to our needs. The wonderful and helpful staff in school and the surprising ration of cultures of school students. The thick-skinnedness that I never knew I has lead to me to finding a place to stay and ways to school. He is indeed good and mighty!

Go and talk to her. I dare you.

I stared back, shocked and embarrassed to admit that I have not been listening to a single word. I smiled sheepishly, hoping that I would be off the hook this time. The reason I have not been listening to a word my best friend was saying, was standing right in front of me. I quickly turned away and looked at my feet. Silently, I prayed to the stars and gathered all the courage I have to look her way before I was smacked squarely on the back of my head. Grimacing in mock pain, I peeked at my best friend seated on my right. That hideous camouflage cap I have given as a joke for this year’s birthday was in those hands that had taken a swing at me.

“She is beautiful, isn’t she?”

There it was, the phrase that I dreaded the most. The minute I admit to that fact will be the minute all the taunting and teasing starts and stays for the rest of my life. I sighed and pretended to enjoy the KL night sky.

“Come on. Go in for the kill. Go talk to her. I dare you”

I looked at that smile carved on that cheeky face. Despite all the sassinesss and playfulness bundled up in that tiny body, I could sense the seriousness of that dare. I turned my attention back to the girl. Three more stops and that is it, she will be gone for the day. Standing there with her headphones, she looked so calm and poised. Her black ballerina skirt danced playfully around her knees, a dramatic contrast to her milky skin. Her head was tilted slightly from reading the book in her hands and her feet tapping to the beat of the music. Enthralled by her beauty, I was caught staring at her when she suddenly looked my way. Our eyes met briefly before she smiled and sat on the seat a few rows in front of us that was recently vacant. My heart had stopped temporarily from that split second, electrifying moment. Having witnessing it all, my best friend scoffed.

“Go talk to her” was the mantra chanted repeatedly which had resulted in the secret and brief denouncement of my friendship with a madman. After what seemed like an eternity of chanting, patience must have been running fairly thin in those bloodstreams before I was shoved out of my seat. With a simple “go”, I was sent on a humble journey to a deadly mission with devastating results. I inhaled deeply and went in for the kill, totally oblivious to the fact that the person who will be devastated most from this was seated beside a window, wearing a hideous camouflage cap given by a friend.

Family time

It's the time of the year again where families gather and have fun. I dread CNY more than I do Christmas. That's because people tend to be more nosy when they have to give out money to unmarried young adults.

Choruses of "still single?" mixed with the interlude of "but you're already 24" with a little hint of "why don't you try meet him first" on constant replay in the midst of all the booming fireworks and munching of CNY cookies.

But nothing can beat the feeling of receiving all the ang pow's and secretly sneak away for the crowd to keep track of the amount of money collected. It's even a race with my brothers to see who collected more each year. And no one can take away the sin of being a glutton during CNY when all you're relatives will encourage you to eat more since you're still "growing".

The essence of CNY for me would always be familiarity, knowing that there will be great food and company for me to be merry.

There is hope after all

Jack Whitehall is that man. I mean, there is hope for all of us. You would think that the Brits would be so proud of Robert Pattinson and his success through Twilight. But this guys hates him. Even disses him on national TV. Gotta give love to those who dislike him as much as we do

"He can't act then, and he still can't act now. I laughed when he died in Harry Potter. And I watched that movie for like 4 times already"

New Year

It's the new year (again) and gone is 2011.
Challenges in 2012 will be greater and tougher because officially,
I'm an adult the day I start working and getting paid for it.
So, till the day my job posting letter arrives that I have to drop everything
and report to the school (*fingers crossed* Penang or Perak),
I'm gonna make sure I rot to the maximum condition possible for a human.
Once you step into the working world,
it will not stop till the day you retire permanently from it.

Hot Wheels

So, my mum has given me the permission to announce this to the whole world.
I've passed my JPJ examination and will be getting my probation licence soon and will be terrorizing the streets and hearts of SP.
=]

Christmas and the Hols

It's the time of the year again where the routines repeat. Cleaning are done around the house. Lights and decorations are put up. Homes are well-lit at night, merry and bright. Food items are bought in vast quantities, for guests ans hosts consumption. Caroling and choir practices to attend. Shopping for presents and clothes for the festive season.

For this year, an extra item is added to the list of things to do. Passing the darn JPJ exam right after Christmas Day. Since it's a month of giving and loving, with the grace and mercy of God, I need to pass. Nothing beats owning a car of your own, driving around town to paint it red. Going anywhere you want without relying on other people. I think I'm slowly becoming a ah-ma speed junkie.

Ps: currently eyeing the purple automatic Perodua My-vi on display for my first car. Thoughts?

Need for speed

So, as I'm getting myself ready for my next driving class which will commence in like 1 hour, I began to realize that I'm much more relaxed compared to last week. I think I finally have got a hang of things and is making good progress (all except the speeding part). So, I'm gonna go there and enjoy myself, knowing that one day all the pressure of driving will slowly wean away. But the technicalities of driving is killing me! So many rules and stu*** techniques to remember when you park, stop and even reverse the vehicle. But all that is menial compared to the rush of adrenaline when you step on the gas to power a speeding Kancil. Imagine how it would feel when the car runs on much higher horse power. Magical!

Home

Nothing is sweeter than being back home. Purely because you can start being a slob again really makes me happy. On a second note, my "Need for License" classes will begin soon. Pressure!

Clarity

This is where some of us clearly belong

So near yet so far

Looking at the calendar makes me yearn for it all to be over. Sometimes, I wonder if everything we're doing now is enriching and making me grow. Some of the courses and activities got me thinking, about my career and life in general. But quite frankly, enough is enough. Just because we constantly make ourselves available for lectures and courses, that doesn't guarentee that we'll be amazing teachers in the future.

And reading pages and pages of government acts and all these red tapes for government services is making me sick. Frankly, why can't they have given us all this earlier? And what's with completing assignments before the course on the assignments even begin? How is that any way a realiable and valid form of testing? I guess that's what you get when the people sitting on those high chairs have no basic foundations in the business that they are trying to change. Want to be a minister of education? At least get a degree in education and teach for a minimum of 10 years. Experience the trade before you implement changes that would only be changed back to the "comfortable" method that brings you predictable results. Nobody grows without trials and tribulations. Great men comes from the failures that they experience because failures can humble a man.

Change

Well, i guess it's almost the time of the year where people reflect on the things that happened over the year. I don't really know what i need to reflect on because frankly, i don't really know what took place. It was as if i was someone else or took on some different characteristics that i never knew i had. But i guess that what people call a change.

Monkey talk

I tried to get the monkey to have a go at debate where they have to provide reasons on whether they would give up their handphones or give up the use of the Internent. And man, it was chaotic!! They were just shouting about and arguing for the sake of arguing. I'm never gonna do this again until i figure out how do i handle a bunch of monkys just shouting at one another. I need a plan to control them so that they can learn to debate/argue more politely. Any suggestions??

On the other hand, it snowed! In Auckland!! Man, i can't believe I missed it by about a year. But then again, snow is messy and troublesome. Not at all pretty and romantic. I mean, snowflakes and liht snow may set the mood well but snowstorms...??!! No thank you!!

oh, no

Oh no. School's starting again and this time, it's on! Big time! There's so many thing to do and think about for the second phase. Evaluation, observations, test papers to design, marking test papers, classroom management, time management etc etc. I can feel the headache coming.

ps: I wana watch Captain America but when??!!

Finally

After 4 weeks of slogging and driving myself crazy with lesson planning and material management, I can finally take a break =]

I mean, I don't think I was ever this happy about the idea of returning back to IPBA but who can say no to being back to my lazy and passive self during lectures?? And meeting everyone once again to gossip and hang out?? Sign me up!!

The kiddos did ask if I'm ever coming back. I told them if they are nice enough, I just might. Some naughty ones even went to the extend of saying that they will cry every night to sleep... Kids these days.

But yeap, am looking forward to being back and most importantly, am looking forward to some rest and recuperation time.

내가 제일 잘나가

Yes, another week went by and it was tiring and terrifying at the same time. Tiring because, hey, planning a lesson can suck the soul out of anyone if done long enough. Added with material preparation and classroom management, i'm amazed no one has gone amok yet. Terrifying because of the added pressure of observations. You get extra nervous and make extra, glaring mistakes that you've never made before. Oh well, it's part of learning. Just have to make the best out of it. Another 9 weeks to go and i can;t wait for the weekends =]

Some oldER people can be so annoying. Let me share with you an incident that happened. There are 2 teachers in my school that looks alike. Well, at least to me, the newcomer. And since they aren't my students, English language teachers and the big and bigger bosses in school, it took me some time to get to know some of them. So let's just call these two teacher A and teacher B. One day, as I was walking towards the staffroom with a few of my students, I saw teacher A. Assuming that he was teacher B, I called out "Good morning, teacher B".
"I'm not teacher B. I'm teacher A. I know you're name. Miss Chong. And how can you not know me?"
I was a little shocked but calmly I replied "I"m so sorry teacher A. I really thought you were teacher B. But just out of curiousity, so you know my full name?"
"I know you're Miss Chong. Isn't that enough?" He said to me, smugly.
I wanted to be the bigger and better person so i replied "Oh, but i though you said you knew my name. That would mean you knew my full name. I guess you don't. I'm sorry again for assuming that you're teacher B." and i just walked off with my students.

Moral value of the story: Be the better person. In fact, tell yourself that you're the best and take everything with a grain of salt. Some of them have nothing to do (or not doing what they are supposed to do) and just wants to make your life a living hell. Smile at that person and be the better person.

Yet another week

Another week has ended,
and frankly, I think I'm getting a hang of school life.
I'm getting used to the routine of the weekdays that it doesn't bother me anymore.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm nowhere near perfect.
Just a little better than before.
I still struggle with lesson planning, classroom management,
time management and disciplinary issues in my classes.
But at least, I'm doing the best I can,
Learn along the way,
And make the best out of the situation given.
So far, I've done things I thought I would never do
and things that I'm not particularly proud of
But it's going to be a learning process
And how do I learn if I don;t make mistakes?