Saturday, September 22, 2012

When I Open My Eyes

     When I open my eyes, I see his hands raised high above his head. Within seconds, it lands on my cheek, bringing tears to my eyes. I quickly ready myself for another round of his thrashing. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid that he will be able to read the fear in my eyes. But it never came. All I hear is the loud bang of the door and the hushed click, marking the endless torture and torment by that monster.
    When I open my eyes, I can feel the tingle on my cheek, the very spot where his blow had landed on. But that little prickly feeling cannot compare to the burn and sting I feel in my heart. How can someone be so heartless and cruel to his own family? To his own flesh and blood? He is supposed to be my protector. My defender and my Superman. Instead, he is the destroyer of my hope, the slayer of my joy and the cause of my death. 
    When I open my eyes, I feel the terror. Every day, without fail. I feel my heart pumping like it's on steroids when I hear his footsteps approaching. And when the door opens, I have nowhere to hide. Totally defendless and naked to his physical abuse. I dread the horror I have to endure and suffer every day. He is a vile brute and I hate him. 
    When I open my eyes, I always thing of a way to flee, to escape from my misery and pain. I grief for my lack of persistence and devotion to run away from this hell of a place. I weep for my cowardice and weakness. Every time I try, I fail not due to the lack of attempts but due to the lack of courage. Every time I nearly grasp my fingers around my victory, I withdraw and shred my resolution to ribbons. However, I am going to try once more. My ultimate escape. I owe it to myself to at least struggle and squeeze myself out of this hellhole of mine. 
    When I open my eyes, I feel different. I feel alive and unbound by that wicked creature. This time, he will not get me. This time, he will pay for all he has done. This time, I am triumphant and victorious. I shut my eyes, slowly taking in all the great and wonderful things around me.
    When I open my eyes, the bombshells drop. the jury has made their decision. He is guilty but his punishment is a slap on his wrist. And I was to be returned to him. Back to that fiend. Returned to my nightmare, my very own dreadful incubus.
    When I open my eyes, I will be my own saviour. I will be my own judge, jury and executioner. When I open my eyes. 
   

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